I didn't get in

If you know me in real life, you’ve probably heard that I sat an audition for a certain high quality music school in Sydney. Well, a few weeks ago I received my results, and (as you’ve probably guessed) they weren’t the results I wanted. For the second time in my post highschool life, this institution has rejected me.

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The first time crushed me. I’d auditioned for the classical program, decided I wasn’t going to go there anyway, but hearing that it wouldn’t have been a choice regardless of my first preference made me feel like a worthless mediocre waste of space musician. This time I auditioned for the Jazz program. This time I’m not crushed, instead I’m a little bit disappointed, and a little bit angry.

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I think the disappointment comes from a very obvious place. I’ve been studying jazz (pretty much) on my own for a while and was really looking forward to a deep dive into the history, theory and practice in a way you simply can’t when you’re working as a flute teacher/musician of a bazillion bands.

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The anger on the other hand comes from a place of experience. Objectively speaking, I am a really good musician. Objectively speaking I am a professional musician. I am capable of putting in the work, reaping the results and working in the field post degree, yet somehow on the day I was judge as being incapable.

I also can’t help but wonder if the decision was (in part) political. I auditioned on Flute and Voice, and carried an obvious classical training with me. I also mentioned that I was mostly self taught with jazz. (They asked who my teacher is during the audition.)

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They don’t give you feedback after an audition like this. I really wish they would, because in the headspace I’m in, I fully plan on studying the art of jazz and music in general to the best of my ability in 2019, and I fully plan on sitting this audition again.

(Also If you had a story of a failed audition, or exam I would really appreciate it right now so I don’t feel so alone :P)

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This is another on my “inspired by” looks. This one is inspired by a Curious Fancy, who I’ve been following for about 6 years now. I found her when I was first looking at fashion bloggers who had styles that didn’t fit with current trends, found her photos, read her open honest writing and fell instantly in “internet one sided friendship” love. :)

I know this post in decidedly unchristmassy, but IDK, christmas was super chill and I don’t really feel like reflecting on the shit show that was 2018. So yes! Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and my this one be the best yet!