Because making sure my depression is deemed socially acceptable sure makes me uncomfortable. I’ve been dealing with an incredible amount of anger associated with the pressure to hide my daily distress for the comfort of others. This one’s going to get heavy.

Despite the best efforts of awareness raisers, it’s still not ok to openly live depression. You can yell from the rooftops how you asked for help, did the work and are fine, but actually being in the middle of this process? Experimenting with medication and therapy? Openly expressing that your mood is dark? Suddenly people around you get squirmy. They try and fix it with empty platitudes such as “Oh, but you’re so successful” or “look on the bright side”. Catching a glimpse of the darkness makes them, the mentally healthy one uncomfortable.

So what do I do? I bottle it up, stuff it deep down inside, make sure my tears and feelings are hidden behind a pretty dress and a natural smile. I soften my language, my movements, all my sharp edges until the outside bares no resemblance to the inside.

Sometimes I want to scream about the unfairness. Pain is the bodies way of letting you know something is wrong. I am in pain, but my screams must be muted lest those around me feel uncomfortable.

I am not alone in this pain. I have had so many private conversations with those who equally share this pain. Looking at them you’d never know it. They hide it with a pretty dress and a smile lest they cause others to feel uncomfortable.

The message I see everywhere is “keep quiet until you’re cured”. Talking about ones experience with depression only becomes acceptable once it can be packaged with a message of hope..“I sought out help. Now I’m better. You can be just like me”. But what if I never get better? What do I do then?

If you’re the person who feels uncomfortable when others express their depressed I encourage you to ask yourself why it makes you uncomfortable and what steps you can take to make space for those who don’t have the privilege of mental wellness.

About the look: I’m so excited to finally be sharing these photos. Over the last year I’ve been following independent clothing designer ROSECORPS. When I saw these pants I knew they needed to find a home in my wardrobe. I can honestly say they’re some of the most comfortable pants I own. Their dusty pink pairs beautifully with my favourite tops, and the cut/elastic waistband makes them feel like pyjamas.

I paired them with a top I made late last year based on a dress pattern I’ve been working on.

OTHER NEWS:

Recently I was a guest on a podcast called (Un)Marginalised created by Liel K. Bridgford. We talk about my late Autism diagnosis, how being undiagnosed affects/ed me and how it all interacts with the art I make. You can listen to the episode here or on your favourite podcasting app (listen to the other episodes while you’re there! Season 1 was great)

UPCOMING GIGS:

BLUE MOUNTAINS: JUNE 25TH with Deepsea Lights @ Bootlegger Bar

SYDNEY: JULY 4TH with Cameron Jones Trio @ Lazybones Lvl1

NEWCASTLE: JULY 30TH with Photo of the Moon @ Royal Exchange Saloon Theatre