Windmills

It's no secret that I create a lot of different stuff, from music and sculpture, to (more recently) videos, I have my fingers in a lot of creative pies. 

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I just have this drive to create.  

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For me, creating stuff is ultimate freedom. When I'm not creating I feel caged in and trapped. 

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I've been thinking quite a bit about why I have my finger in so many creative pies. I've finally started to unravel the thoughts and feelings surrounding my creative output. 

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I want freedom. I want freedom of expression. I want freedom of time. I want freedom of materials and imagination. 

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One of the "rules" of adulthood is that you don't get to create and imagine like a child. You're not allowed to have an illogical river of ideas and creativity, and if you do, you're certainly not allowed to express them. 

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To express yourself in an authentic creative way is to break society's rules. To live a completely creative life, free from corporate shackles is to defy the rules that are drilled into every tiny school student. Don't question, just follow. Don't create, just copy. Do what you're told, when you're told to do it.  

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Now, don't get me wrong. There's a lot of merit to education, and there are some really good things about modern education. But there are also a lot of things that are screwed up, which is how we find ourselves in a society that touts creatives as rulebreakers. 

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I have to chase my creativity. It's my path to freedom. I am a creative. I am a rulebreaker, and hopefully someday I will be free. 

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Epilogue: I tried something new with my video creating again. I decided to make a teeny tiny cover of the adventure time theme song. I made a tiny Finn and a Tiny Jake, put them in a number of different settings in my back yard, and this is what came out. I hope you like it :) 

Emeralds on Mustard.

I'm going through a tough mental period at the moment which is resulting in a loss of motivation, and most worryingly for me, a loss of motivation to get dressed. It's not that I have nothing to wear (because that's absolutely not how I feel) it's more that I'm struggling with the combination of early mornings that my school bands require, the late nights that my performances and rehearsal require and the bitter cold that is the Australian winter. I basically want to spend 24/7 rugged up in multiple comfy layers of knit and blankets. 

All of those things put together mean that I'm basically throwing on a pair of thick tights, a plain, but nice enough dress and my favourite coat, which there's absolutely nothing wrong with, but it leaves me feeling "not put together" and dowdy. I miss colour, unexpected details and the motivation to have those things, but I don't currently have the energy or control over my exhaustion levels to change my mindset or patterns. 

I'm going to get real for a sec here. The way I'm feeling is not normal. I've been in this place many times before and usually I've had the luxury of time to get help so I can dig myself out of this hole. I've not got that luxury this time around. All of my time (During clinical hours) is taken up with immovable work, and I'm holding it together "well enough" that on good days I can convince myself that there's nothing wrong and I'm being an idiot. 

The day I put this outfit together was one of these aforementioned good days. I had energy the night before, and got up before I had to (which is a rarity these days). I really dig the combination of mustard and emerald (and I have no idea why I haven't combined these colour before!). I'm not really sure where this post was going, but a jumble of words is all I can manage at the moment. 

TIMBURRRRRRRRR

wpid-20150124_180527.jpg I'm going to keep this one super short for two reasons: 1) I didn't get dresses until 3pm and 2) Shoddy phone photos because I didn't have time to shoot properly before leaving the house (so I got dad to man my phone camera after we went out for dinner this evening)

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As a celebration of the last Saturday of my holidays I hit the sewing machine and created these wooden shorts. They took me about 4 hours to sew, and I got them finished just in time for this evenings activities.

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The evening started with dinner with my parents, and ended with iceskating with a small group of friends. (It was super fun to catch up with everyone, especially seeing as I've been super hermit.)

As far as the shorts go, I'm really enjoying the heart pockets, and I think I'll be sewing them onto things more frequently!