As a member of the human species, I feel a lot of things. Some of those feelings are great happy fun times feelings. Others are deep dark scary sad times feelings. Some of the scariest ones are the things I fear.
For me, fear is an emotion rooted in uncertainty and lack of control. If things are predictable and within my control, I have nothing to fear. Part of my self love journey this year is working out what I fear and why so I can *somewhat* logic my way out of these emotions and quell the anxieties they create.
1) Stagnation - If only I had a crystal ball that would tell me where my future lay. I’m terrified of waking up at the age of 40 in the same place I live working the same job I’ve always worked. As much as I enjoy my current life, the idea of this being it is terrifying to me.
2) Health related problems - Neither my mental or physical health has been particularly great the last few years, but recently I’ve become committed to fixing both. If my physical health is not great I can’t play music, and if I can’t play music I don’t feel like a human.
3) My flute falling apart - Flutes are technical engineering marvels, and just like cars, the more you use them the more often you need to service them. Saying I play my flute a lot is an understatement. This means my flute is pretty much in constant need of repair, but flute repairs are expensive. The longer I go between flute doctor visits, the more nightmares about my flute falling apart I have. ( for those wondering who I use I got to Victoria at Repairs on the hill - https://www.facebook.com/Repairs-On-The-Hill-musical-instrument-repairs-232862722518/ She is a literal Wizard, and I never want to send my flute to anyone else)
4) Debt - I was a child during the 2008 financial crisis, and saw the myriad of news stories about people living vastly outside their means, then ending up jobless, homeless and without much hope. As a musician in a consistently precarious financial situation, it would be really easy to begin to rely on loans and credit cards so I can fund my projects and buy the equipment I need, but I choose not to because of the very real reality that it could send me homeless.
5) The Future of the Planet - The future is such a vague far away place until it’s our reality. I’m aware that humanities use of fossil fuels, plastics and other chemicals, combined with our penchant for deforest-station and hunting of animals could very well land us in a dystopian future within my lifetime. It’s why I’m trying to move my footprint towards zero waste. Even if I achieve my zero waste dreams, it would take the majority adapting to this lifestyle to make a sizeable impact, and from my observations, it seems like the majority are unable and or unwilling to make the change.
There you have it, my 5 greatest fears! What are you afraid of?
P.S I released a video on youtube this week! Here it is incase you missed it!