Amazing people and the privilage of never having felt the feeling of I Can't

Did you know that for many people "I can't" is a physical feeling? It feels like panic, it feels like tension, it feels like despair, and procrastination, and not living up to your "potential". it feels like letting your goals and dreams slip away because you just can't. Can is too much. Can takes too much energy, so instead you sit there in your "I can't-ness" and let it swollow you. 

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For some people I can't is just a small feeling. It's feeling like they're not smart - rich - childless - good enough to do *insert thing here*. This feeling is valid and just as important to recognise. It's not the same as I won't either. I won't implies defiance. I won't implies choice. 

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I can't is not a choice. There are many amazing people in this world. They do so many things, and lead extraordinary lives. Many will do interviews talking about how they just believed, and worked towards a goal. "It's easy, anyone can do it" they say. "you just have to save more, work more, chase your dreams, your goals and your desires." they say, like it's easy, like it's something everyone can do. These people don't understand. They've had the privelage of not experiencing "I can't" 

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That's not to say these amazing people haven't had to work hard, or experience hardship or make sacrifices, but they've stumbled upon a particular set of arbitrary circumstances that set them apart from other people. These include: Country of origin, race, gender, mental and physical health, supportive family/teachers/peers, knowing the right people, being in the right place at the right time. And because they're wonderful, but imperfect humans that have only ever lived as themselves, they mistake their success as not giving into "I can't" when it's usually not having experienced "I can't" in the first place. 

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I sit in a weird space when it comes to this. I lead a jam packed life full of "chasing my art and living the dream", but I also experience the overwhelming feeling of I can't all the time. Let me tell you, I wouldn't be able to get past this if I didn't have such a lovely and supportive network. I would curl in a ball and cry all day. I would take a normal job I hated and stagnate. I wouldn't travel, I wouldn't see people. I would completely and utterly give into I can't. 

But I don't, because I'm supported and privileged. I think more people who say no to "I can't" need to be introspective and examine their privilege, especially before they preach the word of "everyone can do it", because not everyone can do it. It's not ideal, but it's one of the truest truths in our weird society. 

I suppose the conclusion is, if you give into your feelings of I can't, don't feel bad. Don't feel worthless, because you're not. Breaking out of I can't is hard. And if you're one of these wonderful amazing people preaching the word of "everyone can do it" stop and think about all of the help, support and circumstances you've experienced to get you there, and consider how different the experiences and resources other people have are different. 

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A little off topic, but relevant none the less: I recorded a new video today (technically yesterday now) It's a cute little song about tea, with a rather sad ending. Coincidently, I'm wearing the same outfit in the video, but It was not produced the same day! 

My Little Tour

These are not tour photos (Although, you'll be glad to know I've managed to take outfit photos everyday of the tour dresses I've been wearing!) I took these in December last year. 

I'm currently on tour with Vanishing Shapes. We're currently in Brisbane chilling out before this evening's gig. We've been away from home for about a week, most of which has been spent at, or North of Byron Bay.  

It's crazy just how different the climate is up here, mostly the strength of the sun. I've been slathering myself in sunscreen everyday, and have still managed to get a tiny bit burnt. 

Real talk: I know that it's very necessary, especially during summer (and I make sure to wear it when I'll be out in the sun) but I really do not like wearing sunscreen. Even the "non greasy" stuff leaves a greasy, almost dirty film on my skin. Still way better than a sunburn though. 

I've also not had a hot shower since being up here out of choice. I've not been in a place that's too hot for a hot shower before. I've actually really enjoyed the refreshing cool feeling that comes from a cold shower. 

Apart from the weather, tour has been a really creative time. I've done so much painting (which you can see on my instagram) I've also made some jewellery (which you'll get to see in my next post) 

Most importantly, we've had some absolutely killer gigs! We've hit up the temperance society in Sydney, 5 Church Street in Bellingen, and played two ripper house concerts: Byron fine house music concerts, which was an intimate chill out time, and one for the Porch Project in Yandina Creek with a ripper new band called the score (As soon as they have any kind of social media presence I'll be posting about them! They're rad!) We've also spent time on the streets of Byron Bay busking our little hearts out. 

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I've done a lot of busking in a lot of different places, and I think Byron Bay has been my favourite so far. People actually stop and listen, and chat to you, unlike most other places where everyones in such a rush to be somewhere, and don't have time/patience/cares to have a gander. 

Anyway, I'll be sure to post another update when I can!