Amazing people and the privilage of never having felt the feeling of I Can't

Did you know that for many people "I can't" is a physical feeling? It feels like panic, it feels like tension, it feels like despair, and procrastination, and not living up to your "potential". it feels like letting your goals and dreams slip away because you just can't. Can is too much. Can takes too much energy, so instead you sit there in your "I can't-ness" and let it swollow you. 


For some people I can't is just a small feeling. It's feeling like they're not smart - rich - childless - good enough to do *insert thing here*. This feeling is valid and just as important to recognise. It's not the same as I won't either. I won't implies defiance. I won't implies choice. 

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I can't is not a choice. There are many amazing people in this world. They do so many things, and lead extraordinary lives. Many will do interviews talking about how they just believed, and worked towards a goal. "It's easy, anyone can do it" they say. "you just have to save more, work more, chase your dreams, your goals and your desires." they say, like it's easy, like it's something everyone can do. These people don't understand. They've had the privelage of not experiencing "I can't" 


That's not to say these amazing people haven't had to work hard, or experience hardship or make sacrifices, but they've stumbled upon a particular set of arbitrary circumstances that set them apart from other people. These include: Country of origin, race, gender, mental and physical health, supportive family/teachers/peers, knowing the right people, being in the right place at the right time. And because they're wonderful, but imperfect humans that have only ever lived as themselves, they mistake their success as not giving into "I can't" when it's usually not having experienced "I can't" in the first place. 

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I sit in a weird space when it comes to this. I lead a jam packed life full of "chasing my art and living the dream", but I also experience the overwhelming feeling of I can't all the time. Let me tell you, I wouldn't be able to get past this if I didn't have such a lovely and supportive network. I would curl in a ball and cry all day. I would take a normal job I hated and stagnate. I wouldn't travel, I wouldn't see people. I would completely and utterly give into I can't. 

But I don't, because I'm supported and privileged. I think more people who say no to "I can't" need to be introspective and examine their privilege, especially before they preach the word of "everyone can do it", because not everyone can do it. It's not ideal, but it's one of the truest truths in our weird society. 

I suppose the conclusion is, if you give into your feelings of I can't, don't feel bad. Don't feel worthless, because you're not. Breaking out of I can't is hard. And if you're one of these wonderful amazing people preaching the word of "everyone can do it" stop and think about all of the help, support and circumstances you've experienced to get you there, and consider how different the experiences and resources other people have are different. 

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A little off topic, but relevant none the less: I recorded a new video today (technically yesterday now) It's a cute little song about tea, with a rather sad ending. Coincidently, I'm wearing the same outfit in the video, but It was not produced the same day! 

Thinking about Tiny Trains

shoes I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (lately being the last 9 months), specifically about the way society is structured and what constitutes normal. I'd liken this change to waking up from a deep sleep. Throughout my life I've been told things, and haven't questioned them because adults are always right, but now "because I said so" isn't a good enough reason, so I've gone searching for answers. pinup

Many of those answers have lead me to a website called everyday feminism, which is a website that aims to educate and discuss intersectional feminist topics (Intersectional feminism is the view that women experience oppression in varying configurations and in varying degrees of intensity - Kimberlé Crenshaw) I'm going to be completely honest, before reading up on feminism / consuming feminist media, I didn't really think much about other societal  problems (such as racism, ableism, classism etc) Basically, I've been thinking critically about life, and trying to absorb information as objectively as possible before forming any sort of view.

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One thing I've been thinking a lot about lately is what constitutes normal. The more I think about "normal" the more I feel as though it's this myth society is being fed to make sure everyone toes the line and follows what I like to call "the life path" (finish school, get a job, get married, have kids) Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the life path (I wouldn't exist without it) but it shouldn't be something that you do just because it's the normal thing to do.

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The biggest problem with normality is that it encourages you not to question it. So often I hear this is the way it is because that's how it has always been done.

I have always shied away from normalcy. I don't have a "normal" occupation or "normal" hobbies, I don't dress in a "normal" way, nor do I have "normal" views about life. I've never really been aware of how I don't fit into the "normal" box, but now I am, and now I'm trying to think critically about it. A science teacher of mine once said "question everything, even the things you know to be true" only now do I have the knowledge and curiosity to be able to do that.

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Now onto less serious things! This is the outfit I wore on Monday. Occasionally when I create an outfit I will have a catalyst that the whole look stems from. The catalyst for this look happened to be the matching butterfly pins that my Mum bought me at an antique shop while her and my Dad were on holiday. When she bought them she thought they were earrings (and so did I on first inspection), but when I removed them from the packet I found they were a matching pin set.

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One of my favourite ways to wear matching pin sets is to pin them to the collar of a blouse, so that's exactly what I did.


Surprisingly, it was actually really hard to get them to sit straight. I tried for a good 10 or so minutes (which is a long time to be pinning pins onto something) before I gave up and just lived with them sitting crookedly.

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Can I also talk briefly about my lipcolour? (Too bad if I can't, I'm going to anyway :P) Sometimes when I get stressed I like to buy lipstick. Usually when I buy lipstick I have a specific colour in mind, and this time the colour I was looking for was my hair colour (which, fun fact, you can't actually get in stores) Remember how I ordered(and wore) that delightfully green lipstick I few days agoL Welp, this was one of the other colours I got in that order.


It matches my hair colour perfectly, and feels comfortable on the lips, although, if you eat your lipcolour is done for (But I never wear it long enough to eat cause you can't play flute in it, and playing flute is my lyfe)

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That's it! I hope you've all had a wonderful day :)