But how do you actually feel though?

As a child I got sick. A lot. I have memories of constant doctors visits, and spending time in sick bay waiting for my mum to pick me up. As you can imagine, dealing with sickness as a person and having a sick kid as a family is pretty disruptive. Recognising this, I slowly began to ignore what my body was telling me and soldier on when I was feeling less than stellar.

My earliest memory of this was around the age of 10. I woke up with a sandpapery throat, and I didn’t tell anyone. The only indication that anything was wrong was my teachers mild annoyance that I kept requesting to fill up my water bottle (the cold liquid on my sad throat was a mild relief).

These “ignoring sickness” behaviours a kid gradually saw me morph into an adult who doesn’t take sick days. If I can get out of bed, that means I can go to work, no matter how sore, uncomfortable or vague I feel. Until recently this wasn’t an issue. Almost everyone I know in my line of work (music teaching/tutoring) did the same. That is until COVID 19 hit.

If you’re sick, don’t go to work. Sounds simple right? Feel bad = stay home…. except, for me, it’s really not that simple. After almost two decades of ignoring sickness I don’t know what sick feels like. I often wake up with a sore throat. Is it dehydration? Am I sick? Did I sing too much or am I coming down with a cold?. I’ve spent so long ignoring my bodies signals, and now I’m suddenly expected to listen again.

It’s further complicated by the nature of my work. I don’t get sick leave, which means if I don’t go to work, I don’t get paid. Because of jobkeeper, that hasn’t been an issue recently, but once that ends, what happens when I get sick? I can’t afford to loose any income, and opportunities to get more work are few and far between. Community responsibility, or being able to pay my bills. Why is this something I have to choose between?

So how do I actually feel? This is a question I’ve been asking myself a little obsessively since lockdown. Luckily the answer is usually “exhausted, but fine”. The one time it wasn’t, I did the responsible thing and got tested immediately (I’m lucky it was at the end of my work week!). Touch wood I stay well and don’t have to take time off.

About the outfit: ANYWAY, lets step away from the doom and gloom of financial realities, and into the sweet embrace of whimsical fashion! This shirt is one of the best items I’ve ever thrifted. When I go thrifting I’m on the lookout for three qualities - Fit, material and quirkiness. The fit is perfect, the material/construction is sturdy and will stand the test of time, and there are some fun little details (like the gemstone collar button!?)

This skirt is the first pattern test for a small line of skirts I’ll be releasing at the end of the year. They won’t look like this one (I’ve secured a red velveteen for the official job). I’ve had this fabric laying around for years, and it’s been nice to put it to such a whimsical purpose.

"For Sale" - a renters nightmare.

Once upon a time I was renting a flat with a friend of mine in a quiet street. We’d spent 12 months there, cleaning, decorating, and making this little slice of property our own when knock, knock, knock the owner of our realestate turned up at our door with a notice of sale letter.

The day we received the for sale notice was the day I lost the feeling of home I’d worked so hard to build. There’s something about having strangers through your living space once a week, looking at you and your house as an investment that creates an icky, dehumanising feeling.

I’m tired of hearing “but that’s just the reality of renting” like it was my choice to rent in the first place. When you’re on a low income it’s your only choice, and because it’s your only choice, the rules are automatically not in your favour. There was also an added level of complexity for a while as this was going on at the beginning of the pandemic/started up once the full lockdown was lifted.

I had to completely change my schedule to match the open houses. Instead of getting much needed post gig rest on Saturday morning, I would get up early to clean the house. Technically according to the law I didn’t have to do this, but having strangers walking through my house if it were unclean would have created an extra level of embarrassment.

The disruption to my life made it feel like a part time job, a job that I did not get paid for. Sure, I could have asked for a rent reduction, but I shouldn’t have had to. The disruption should have been acknowledged by the party in power, and should have been offered freely.

I’m now living in stable housing, which I’m incredibly grateful for. I’m living with my partner, and we’re renting from his parents (who are lovely humans). Saying that, every single rental should be as stable as the one I get to live in now and I dread the day we have to re-enter the private “real estate” rental market.

About the outfit: This is a dress I made many moons ago (and a pattern I’m currently refining to eventually sell). I really enjoy the yellow polka dot echo in my socks.

Second Chance Sunflowers

Panic! at the Disco are one of the few bands that I still love from my teenage years. A Fever You Can't Sweat Out introduced me to "heavy" music. (I know Panic's not heavy, but for a tiny classically trained Jen, it was super heavy) 

I remember when their second album came out. I was super excited for more of their baroque influenced rock/ whatever blend, but was quite disappointed when instead I was presented with the beetles-esque  orchestrated rock. I tried so very hard to like that album, but ultimately I gave up on it after a few months of it not quenching my thirst for their previous vibe. 

I've not listened to Pretty. Odd. since I was 16. It was in my thoughts after the release of the new Panic! at the disco album (which is a little hit and miss in my opinion) My music tastes have matured quite a bit since I was 16, so I decided to give Pretty. Odd another shot. 

I am so very glad I did. It's such a beautiful album. I particularly love the orchestration (although I wish they'd used real flutes/piccolo's/clarinets/oboes instead of synthesised ones).  My favourite track (which was one of my least favourite back in the day) is From a Mountain in the Middle of The Cabins. The details in the orchestration are superb, and are pretty similar to a lot of the music I've been getting into lately (Artists like Punch Brothers, My Brightest Diamond and Joanna Newsom that sit on the line between contemporary music, art music and folk) . 

Pretty. Odd. isn't the only album I revisited recently, and ended up loving all over again. About 4 months ago I started listening to Life in Cartoon Motion by Mika again. I originally liked this album well enough, but got sick of it. Again, I completely understand why. It wasn't the sound I was in love with at the time (and when you've only got 4 gigs of iPod space to work with, stuff gets culled regularly and mercilessly.) 

Something I've been thinking about putting together is a list of what's on my ipod with descriptions of the artists/links so you can hear what they sound like. I've got a rather eclectic collection of music, ranging from super well know peeps to those with less that 300 likes on facebook. So yeah, let me know if you'd be interested in this! 

Shirt: Revival, Pinafore: Home Made, Skirt: Home made, Socks: don't remember, Shoes: Store in Sydney near Max Brennar Wynyard.  

Deviating from the music I've been listening to - This is the outfit I wore tuesday. Originally when I put it together, I wasn't intending to have the second skirt underneath the pinafore. When I added the socks to the outfit, it looked unbalanced, so I popped the skirt underneath. It made everything super flouncy, as well as adding much needed colour balance.