It's not enough for me to work "In the Arts" Let me explain...

There seems to be this pervasive attitude that creative practitioners should be satisfied with “working in the arts” because you get holidays/sick leave/stability, you get to be part of the team that makes creative things happen but mostly because “there’s simply not enough places for everyone to make a living as a creative practitioner”. After 10 years of working in an arts adjacent job (in my case, music education*) I can say with 100% certainty that it has been a poor substitute for a career as a full time creative practitioner.

*It’s important to note that my employment within music education does not come with holidays/sick leave/stability.

You may be wondering how arts work differs from working as an artist*. The simple explanation is all artists are arts workers, but not all arts workers are artists. Arts workers may have been trained in the arts, or feel very passionate about creating opportunities/allowing artists to work to their fullest potential, but at the end of the day, the art would still find a way to exist without them. There’s also a huge difference in pay/stability expectations. Arts workers often handle the “unfun jobs” which have to be paid fairly otherwise no one would do them.

*I’m using the word artist here to describe any discipline that produces creative output i.e music, dance, acting, film, visual arts etc.

Don’t get me wrong, arts workers are incredibly important. A good arts team will give the creative practitioner/s they’re looking after time and space to concentrate on art making (my personal experience of being management and artist for the emerald ruby left me only doing paperwork, and 0 time to actually create!). Orchestra’s, Theatre’s, Production Companies, Galleries, Festivals etc could not exist without the teams of people working behind the scenes to make them run smoothly and remain profitable. These arts adjacent jobs keep the show on the road, however at the end of the day, it’s not art making.

I grew up as a creative practitioner in an arts sector that see’s arts work (and as an extension arts education) as a viable career compromise. I believed in this compromise for a while, probably because it was the only viable way to keep myself fed and housed. I committed to the double life of educator/practitioner, two vastly different careers with incompatible schedules. Not going to lie, it’s taken a toll on my health, and I’ve reached a point where I can no longer work and maintain my creative practice.

That crossroads right there leads me to the point of this post. If arts work was enough for me deciding between my arts work and my work as an artist wouldn’t be so difficult.
I’d also like to add that if you’re a creative practitioner who’s found arts work fulfilling, I am so very happy for you! My life would be a lot easier if I found arts work as fulfilling as my own artistic practice.

About the look: This skirt is officially the first piece I’ve ever pattern matched. I couldn’t resist it, the landscape pattern is so rich and illustrative, to do anything else would have been a right shame. I love the way this shirt matches the autumn leaves in the skirt, and of course, with the colour blocking, I had to use my tried and true “colour sandwich” styling method ;). The belt I’m sporting here is a number I thrifted many moons ago.

If you didn’t already know, I’ve recently released an EP! You can watch me play one of the pieces live in the bush down below! If you really like it, you can purchase the Sheet Music, buy the tracks on Bandcamp or even listen to it on Spotify! Central Coast peeps can come see the EP live at the Rhythm Hut with Ren Stone on the 17th of April. TICKETS HERE

Invisible Suffering caused by Stigma.

At first glance, you wouldn’t expect that I’d be the person who suffers daily from stigma. I’m white, conventionally attractive. I finished High school, then Uni, and now work in the arts. My house is clean and tidy, I pay all my bills and I appear to function in a relatively normal way.

On the inside none of these things are true, and I can’t talk about it beyond vague-ities because there’s this gigantic cloud of stigma waiting to rain on this lovely little life I’ve struggled to build. I exist behind this perfectly manicured mask of functionality, and I’m acutely aware of the dire long term consequences if it slips.

My experience of stigma is never being able to exist as yourself safely in a majority of spaces. It’s not feeling safe to reach out to systems and supports that are supposed to be able to help you because the label carries more risk then suffering in silence and pretending to be fine. It’s watching people exhaustingly raise awareness all the time, yet not seeing politicians make systemic changes that will actually help.

I’m one of the lucky ones. The stigma I experience isn’t directed at me, because I pass, and I spend all my spoons to continue passing. It’s exhausting.
My heart aches for all those who can’t escape whatever stigma affects them. It’s not fair, but what’s the solution? I can only observe what the solution is not.

Things change too slowly. The pace of change makes me so angry. It doesn’t have to be like this, but it is, was and continues to be like this.

About the look: On a more positive note, how fun is this vaguely 90’s grunge inspired look !? I bought the fabric for this skirt almost 10 years ago now from my favourite little vintage shop located in Woy Woy. It sat there, in my stash, begging to be made into clothes for so long, not because I didn’t love it, but because there was so little of it.
I couldn’t resist leaning into the yellow of the tartan pattern, hence allllll the yellow.

But how do you actually feel though?

As a child I got sick. A lot. I have memories of constant doctors visits, and spending time in sick bay waiting for my mum to pick me up. As you can imagine, dealing with sickness as a person and having a sick kid as a family is pretty disruptive. Recognising this, I slowly began to ignore what my body was telling me and soldier on when I was feeling less than stellar.

My earliest memory of this was around the age of 10. I woke up with a sandpapery throat, and I didn’t tell anyone. The only indication that anything was wrong was my teachers mild annoyance that I kept requesting to fill up my water bottle (the cold liquid on my sad throat was a mild relief).

These “ignoring sickness” behaviours a kid gradually saw me morph into an adult who doesn’t take sick days. If I can get out of bed, that means I can go to work, no matter how sore, uncomfortable or vague I feel. Until recently this wasn’t an issue. Almost everyone I know in my line of work (music teaching/tutoring) did the same. That is until COVID 19 hit.

If you’re sick, don’t go to work. Sounds simple right? Feel bad = stay home…. except, for me, it’s really not that simple. After almost two decades of ignoring sickness I don’t know what sick feels like. I often wake up with a sore throat. Is it dehydration? Am I sick? Did I sing too much or am I coming down with a cold?. I’ve spent so long ignoring my bodies signals, and now I’m suddenly expected to listen again.

It’s further complicated by the nature of my work. I don’t get sick leave, which means if I don’t go to work, I don’t get paid. Because of jobkeeper, that hasn’t been an issue recently, but once that ends, what happens when I get sick? I can’t afford to loose any income, and opportunities to get more work are few and far between. Community responsibility, or being able to pay my bills. Why is this something I have to choose between?

So how do I actually feel? This is a question I’ve been asking myself a little obsessively since lockdown. Luckily the answer is usually “exhausted, but fine”. The one time it wasn’t, I did the responsible thing and got tested immediately (I’m lucky it was at the end of my work week!). Touch wood I stay well and don’t have to take time off.

About the outfit: ANYWAY, lets step away from the doom and gloom of financial realities, and into the sweet embrace of whimsical fashion! This shirt is one of the best items I’ve ever thrifted. When I go thrifting I’m on the lookout for three qualities - Fit, material and quirkiness. The fit is perfect, the material/construction is sturdy and will stand the test of time, and there are some fun little details (like the gemstone collar button!?)

This skirt is the first pattern test for a small line of skirts I’ll be releasing at the end of the year. They won’t look like this one (I’ve secured a red velveteen for the official job). I’ve had this fabric laying around for years, and it’s been nice to put it to such a whimsical purpose.