Some People think too much - Like Jim CarRey.

I know this because my thoughts often travel into the realm of existentialism, leading me down paths such as "what's the point" and "life has no meaning". I often try to combat this with the thought "one must create their own meaning" but that mindset is really difficult to maintain 100% of the time. 

The idea that one must create their own meaning is an interesting thought path for me to go down, mostly because it feels like a lie, like I'm trying to justify my existence in this world, and like I'm trying  to justify my constant exhaustion and relentless pursuit of various artistic endevours in the name of "success" (which for me can be defined as not having to have a day job.) 

It's hard to think yourself out of existential pointlessness. It drains everything you have. It feels like you're living a lie. And when things get dark, it's easy to fall down the spinning rabbit hole. 

It can also get a little lonely. Existential thinking is scary, and most people's pondering will never go there.  

A small part of me believes this is a form of ignorance, but conversely, the existential rabbit hole is a miserable place to go down. Once you break the glass, there's no going back. There's no returning to the safe bubble of conventional contentment. Sometimes I get glimmers, and they're glorious, but they never last long. 

My last group of thoughts (for the moment) on this matter play with the notion that the human race as a whole are not ready for mass existentialism. This though has recently been kindled by reactions to Jim Carrey's Fashion week interview (Link for the curious). This is the new hot gossip, "look at how bizarre he is" "He's gone mad" they say, but to me, he makes sense. 

Nothing matters, so we have to create our own meaning. We don't exist. We're just a bunch of labels and experiences we've assigned ourselves. And one of the most important takeaways, Icons/famous people/ those known by the masses are no more important than anyone else. Their existence doesn't mean any more than anyone else's, yet the human race assigns extra importance to these individuals.  

It saddens me that instead of thinking critically about Jim's interview, everyone is approaching it as crazy meaningless babble. But then again, I don't blame them. Once you start thinking this deeply there's no going back, and that's terrifying. 

Now for something a little less grim! I released another original song. You can check it out if you want to. It's about space and stuff :) 

Goodness, keeping track of footage is really really hard. I think I'm going to have to start writing down which bits I need, because I completely failed at it this time around. Also, one day I'll have consistent and decent lighting. Lyrics down below. (If you want the chords send me a message!

I'm still getting my head around footage management and mixing. It's not perfect, but it's better than the last video, which is what I'm going for. 

So, it's a new year or whatever.

Is it weird that I don't really care about it being a New Year? With the lifestyle I'm currently leading, time is a somewhat arbitrary and anxiety inducing concept, and this "magical phenomenon" known as "New Year" is just a small, inconvenient blip on my radar. 

Despite my pessimistic philosophising, I actually had a pretty great new years eve. I spent it in Gulgong with the Button Collective playing Brodie's songs and Irish music. This is the second new year in a row that I've been with the Buttons playing Irish music as the clock ticks over, and I think it's definitely my favourite way to celebrate this arbitrary occasion.  

Like the last time I disappeared from this blog space, these photos were not taken recently. I took these back in October when life was slightly less hectic. I overcommitted myself through November and December, and although I probably had the time to to bloggy internety things, I just didn't have the mental or emotional energy. 

I'm not one for setting "New Year Resolutions" but this "personal growth goal type thing" just happened to coincide with the thing. Last year, particularly towards the end, I felt as if I was drowning beneath a huge pile of "to do's" and anxiety. This made doing "arty things" like working on this blog, and sewing, and making art pretty difficult. 

I'm determined to not let that happen as often to the extent that it did. I've broken my work schedule down into a really basic bare minimum work style. (basically, I've got a very small set amount of regular work I have to achieve on a weekly basis. If I'm up to it, I'm going to do more, if I'm not, well, I'm slowing chipping away at the work pile, which will keep me from metaphorically drowning) 

One last thing, I feel the need to apologise for my absence and for talking about my mental health all the time. I know intellectually that I don't need to. It's more of an apology to myself more than whoever happens to read this blog. I suppose I feel a personal guilt, because I've been neglecting this space, and miss it so much. 

OK, actual last thing. I'm going on tour with Vanishing Shapes. We'll be going up to Brisbane! If you happen to live between Sydney and there, and have some free time on your hands, here are our tour dates. 

I think thats enough word vomit. Enjoy your day! 

Second Chance Sunflowers

Panic! at the Disco are one of the few bands that I still love from my teenage years. A Fever You Can't Sweat Out introduced me to "heavy" music. (I know Panic's not heavy, but for a tiny classically trained Jen, it was super heavy) 

I remember when their second album came out. I was super excited for more of their baroque influenced rock/ whatever blend, but was quite disappointed when instead I was presented with the beetles-esque  orchestrated rock. I tried so very hard to like that album, but ultimately I gave up on it after a few months of it not quenching my thirst for their previous vibe. 

I've not listened to Pretty. Odd. since I was 16. It was in my thoughts after the release of the new Panic! at the disco album (which is a little hit and miss in my opinion) My music tastes have matured quite a bit since I was 16, so I decided to give Pretty. Odd another shot. 

I am so very glad I did. It's such a beautiful album. I particularly love the orchestration (although I wish they'd used real flutes/piccolo's/clarinets/oboes instead of synthesised ones).  My favourite track (which was one of my least favourite back in the day) is From a Mountain in the Middle of The Cabins. The details in the orchestration are superb, and are pretty similar to a lot of the music I've been getting into lately (Artists like Punch Brothers, My Brightest Diamond and Joanna Newsom that sit on the line between contemporary music, art music and folk) . 

Pretty. Odd. isn't the only album I revisited recently, and ended up loving all over again. About 4 months ago I started listening to Life in Cartoon Motion by Mika again. I originally liked this album well enough, but got sick of it. Again, I completely understand why. It wasn't the sound I was in love with at the time (and when you've only got 4 gigs of iPod space to work with, stuff gets culled regularly and mercilessly.) 

Something I've been thinking about putting together is a list of what's on my ipod with descriptions of the artists/links so you can hear what they sound like. I've got a rather eclectic collection of music, ranging from super well know peeps to those with less that 300 likes on facebook. So yeah, let me know if you'd be interested in this! 

Shirt: Revival, Pinafore: Home Made, Skirt: Home made, Socks: don't remember, Shoes: Store in Sydney near Max Brennar Wynyard.  

Deviating from the music I've been listening to - This is the outfit I wore tuesday. Originally when I put it together, I wasn't intending to have the second skirt underneath the pinafore. When I added the socks to the outfit, it looked unbalanced, so I popped the skirt underneath. It made everything super flouncy, as well as adding much needed colour balance.